" I PAINT SELF PORTRAITS BECAUSE I AM THE PERSON I KNOW BEST."
(FRIDA KAHLO)
I don't think i know my self, not really. But it is not self knowledge i need, but self trust.
Under the layers of my frequent fluctuating mental, emotional and physical state i think of what there could be. I do not know it yet, i feel wrapped up in the layers.
But like drawing a self portrait, if i look deep enough i am no longer tormented by myself and my features. I can relax, my vision seems clear. I forget myself; there is no judgement, no blame, I am just witnessing what i see.
I don’t know whether we DESERVE health, happiness and love, because to me, that sounds as if those commodities or qualities are being doled out by someone or something outside of ourselves, and if we stop deserving them (we don’t do what we are suppose to do, according to that mysterious “doler”) we will be cut off. We are, in fact, low ranking employees of this sometimes benign and sometimes spiteful power.
ReplyDeleteOf course, we certainly desire them, and in all probability, we will live a more rewarding and fulfilling life, if we are able to secure them. I am not trying to split hairs here, but rather equate the goals of life as something that WE can strive for, and not the capricious and easily withheld attributes of “something out there”.
On another level, I am very impressed with the quality and feeling behind both your writing and your images. I write a blog about accessing feeling and emotions and transforming them into art (visual, writing, dance music etc) and your blog is a wonderful example of a committed individual who is living and breathing her art.
I loved your quoting Alice in one of your earlier pieces, and shortly after the quote, you comment upon”
i often get exhausted by my daily peaks and troffs, and have battled a lot to try and have a more even day.
Don’t forget, in “Looking Glass”, Alice soon makes the discovery that walking towards and working hard to achieve distant goals is not only useless, it is counterproductive. In truth, you must turn away and proceed in the opposite direction, and LO, there you are.
If you are interest, I invite you to stop by my blog, and I would be delighted if you left a comment (or sent me an e-mail) letting me know what you think:
Artquest1.blogspot.com
Best wishes, Bob