Tuesday, 3 November 2009
There are the stars and the moon that can transform a menacing night.
Things may seem shaded and dim, but the moon is pure and bright.
Radiate in its glow, gravitate in its magnetism.
We are ever aware of the potency of the sun, but seem to forget the significance of the moon. Though its silhouette is crisp in a clear night sky, there is a modesty about it's presence. Yet let us not underestimate this night lantern: its energy is bold, and as influential to our sense of well being as the sun.
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Saturday, 3 October 2009
I am searching to sense that inner peace, to lessen the grip of my fickle constitution. I know this is possible because i have had moments of complete joy, amongst the aggravations sensed in the body.
But alot of the time i torment myself by dwelling on the obstacles i face, missing the many opportunities right before me. Amongst my anger and anxiety i forget to have faith in myself and all that is around.
Aggression can be very subtle, especially when directed towards ourselves. So many times we do not realise we are being unhelpful; unfair, unkind. So many times we are unaware of the calamities we are enforcing.
We have to learn to promote the peace, and love we deserve for ourselves, so that we truly know what it is and can recognise it in the world around us.
Thursday, 1 October 2009
The mind makes me weary. I sit quietly and here its skittish ramblings. Where do they come from? The energy they are taking, the distractions they cause. My body and heart neglected when i start to listen too closely.
Jumping nonsense; illusions that warp reality. What a fuss they can cause when i indulge them. Time to not let them speak so loudly, so i can absorbs the present moment, learn and find my way more through the motion of doing rather than thinking.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Maybe far too much of a romantic gesture to speak of guardian angels, and ancestors watching out for our human souls. But to wish for some kind of guidance is not too far fetched.
Just constant little signs that i am moving forward though my body still feels stuck. Just feeling grounded when everything is up in the air. Just to be able to trust.
For i do not know where the madness inside begins, but the notion of unrest seeps everywhere. Body and mind tense and tormented. i try to forget, but i am forgetting what it feels like to feel any other way.
All that i built fell away, so i am starting from scratch, but with no steady foundations and so many peices missing, it is hard. So i ask for a little assistance, to help me rebuild my life, even though i feel like i am still falling apart.
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009
being able to just get on with the day, with its currents of activity.
Other times its a powerful release, a dormant mind and awakened body, that i yearn for.
A day can be most peaceful when filled with many small and simple moments of action and rest. nothing too demanding and nothing too dull, just free and flexible. Like the typical weekend i suppose.
These days are precious because they are times of just going with the flow, of being content with the ordinary. There are routines and chores, amongst moments of leisure,. the mind is quiet and the body at ease as things get done at our own chosen pace.
I celebrate days like these, they really do fulfill me. A strand of minor achievements that provide an huge sense of worth. These humble days are often taken for granted, but as life feels quite messy, it are these times i most appreciate.
Yet as sensual beings often feeling burdened by complex emotions there is the constant desire to thrill or numb the senses. So Life becomes crammed full with anything and everything to help us escape from ourselves.
To be able to lose oursleves in these pleasures is vital but does nothing for us if we can never find the joy in the regular and everyday insignificant happenings.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
I am in awe of the summer months,
for nature is so alive and vibrant,
its joys penetrate my flesh and blood.
But i see the colours fading
and the darkness creeping in.
The seasons are changing,
autumn is about to begin.
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Thursday, 27 August 2009
There is science,
There is religion,
But the modern world is done with magic, myth, and mystery.
But there is magic in the body,myth in the mind and mystery in the heart and soul.
Now we are of an intellectual age, we think we have the answers,
that the mind is capable of understanding how the world and all life works.
Wrapped up in studying life and nature we are forgetting to live it.
The modern mind is too sceptical, it requires evidence not experience.
It needs the words and work of others to judge against its own.
So we get stuck just using our heads, distancing ourselves with critique and analysis.
Yet the mind stretches far beyond our head and our exercised rationality.
There is the subconscious full of the baffling and bizarre,
there are our bodily senses, our instincts and premonitions.
But we suppress these functions, they are too untamed, too random and illogical.
We fear our intuition-our knowing without knowledge,
to be guided by it is far too superstitious and deluded.
We deny its simplicity- the possibility to act without complex thought.
Allow a little mystery and a little magic,
for the mind will always be unsatisfied,
its constant doubting causing hesitation,
letting life just slip by.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
i can feel like i am drowning.......
But little by little i practice to float amongst the white horses and choppy waters,
I find space and rest though the mind and body are cluttered and busy.
i long for fusion, for balance, for sensing that bead of peace amongst the turmoil. i know that is must be possible because there would be no awareness of torment without knowing contentment.
So it is not that i ask for ignorant bliss or constant calmness, for rigid monotony is as draining to the soul as extreme vagary.
I ask for both unity and detachment,
To step away when the body and mind seem oversensitive and hysterical-
To embrace them from a distance.
And though i feel frequently stuck swinging in states of polarity,
i wait patiently for the internal friction to subside and for the opposing sides of my nature to realise there cannot be one without the other.
working seperartely they are fractured, and incomplete,
things are lop sided and i become dizzy,
the wind blows and i fall.
working together and i can feel whole,
i am centred and stronger,
wind howling, and i am still standing.
i have found equanimity.
Saturday, 15 August 2009
We carry on our backs the burdens that time always reveals.... A memory unwanted... A wound that would not heal.We wrestle, we escape... But there's a consequence for this rootlessness: 'motions sickness' The only cure: To keep moving
The past is part of us. We can run but we may get lost, unable to find a way forward. We seem trapped in a maze, the mind and body more scared than ever. Then we may have to turn back, face the memories to find our way again.
Monday, 3 August 2009
but then i think of Darwin .....
I think of evolution as the magic of nature, as a reminder that our bodies are constantly changing to accommodate our needs and adapt to our environment.
There are the huge changes that take place amongst us all, but there are also those personal adjustments that continuously occur throughout our life.
So yes i am an eternal optimist, believing that if we are patient and trusting, we can shed the traits of the past that no longer help us and we can embrace change.
We must be gentle on ourselves- allow time. The rapid progression that takes place in the modern world makes us impatient, rushed, unsatisfied. We look for quick fixes, we take drastic measures. We feel pressure to conform, to keep up, to be better; to be more sophisticated, more intelligent, more controlled- we have to fit in this world of machinery and computers.
But machines and computers are vulnerable. Overworked and misused they can breakdown, get damaged. They need care and rest, time to recharge, as do we.
We get too absorbed with the mythical modern era and all its promises. The pills and the potions that will keep us young and healthy, the gadgets that will make our lifestyles more comfortable, the concepts and theories that can explain all the unexplained.
We forget both the power and fragility of nature. It follows its own route of development. We push and prod at it too hastily and this is disturbed. Socially we are becoming aware of this in regards to the climate - the planet and it Eco systems.
let us think of this on a much more intimate scale. lets us think of it within ourselves. careless, over consuming living has a huge impact on our bodies too. we neglect the planet and we start to see adverse weather, we neglect ourselves and the body starts to react unfavourably.
Its all just a reminder that we do not have to be extreme, ruthless and forceful, as this can make things out of balance and frenzied. It is a reminder that we do not have to battle against nature, to move forward. We can actually pause, reflect, and witness the subtle workings of nature and maybe have time to experience the changes that happen without mans insidious action and intellect.
Friday, 31 July 2009
right now i feel closed up,
wrapped up in a cacoon,
waiting for life to begin.
the body -
it seems shut down, in hybernation
not wanting to be disturbed.
no activity, no food
not ready to face the world
but i feel it,
for me to open up, to unravel the layers
to set it free.
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Sunday, 26 July 2009
" I PAINT SELF PORTRAITS BECAUSE I AM THE PERSON I KNOW BEST."
I don't think i know my self, not really. But it is not self knowledge i need, but self trust.
Under the layers of my frequent fluctuating mental, emotional and physical state i think of what there could be. I do not know it yet, i feel wrapped up in the layers.
But like drawing a self portrait, if i look deep enough i am no longer tormented by myself and my features. I can relax, my vision seems clear. I forget myself; there is no judgement, no blame, I am just witnessing what i see.
Saturday, 25 July 2009
Body may seem trapped, restricted, disabled.
But it is breathing,
it wants to live.
There are days it seems to really struggle.
Days it feels like it is shutting down.
It seems withdrawn, defeated; overwhelmed by the slightest activity.
Depleted of it's vital energy.
On these days i am learning to embrace the body; not to fight with it, to be it's enemy. But to be it's carer, to nourish it as best i can.
The body is my physical reality. It is the most tactile and visible part of me. But it is not the totality.
When it feels isolated and working alone. When it feels like a very insignificant object in this vast universe, i stop and i think beyond its physical form.
I think of the most mystical aspect of our being - i think of the spirit. The body knows the spirit as part of its living organism. It knows the spirit can always be free
So when the body seems vulnerable and debilitated, live from the spirit and the soul. From there the body can evolve, it can find strength. It can be empowered, it can heal, regardless of its physical capabilities; of any dysfunction, abnormality and presumed inadequacy.
Friday, 24 July 2009
Habitually an idealist, wanting perfection.
Fleeing from the past, terrified of the future but restless in the present.
Wounds are healing, but i dont want the scars.
They remind me of the damage done.
They are flaws for all to see.
I remind myself that every scar and imperfection i have is a symbol of our uniqueness. It is a symbol that nature is not interested in perfection, but diversirty and individuality.
Nature is adapting, it works to its own intelligence. It's wisdom is far greater than our contemporary intellect. It is the mystical force of our existance that ultimately has the upper hand.
We can distance ourselves from it, and look just to man to mold and make us feel complete. We can live solely by the constructed rules and concepts of political and social theories. Or we can trust our instinct, the body and soul's inherited knowledge.
When we witness nature's working deep inside of ourselves, we become less anxious of that which is on the surface. We see that we are made up of many layers, many experiences, more than we can ever comprehend.
We become accepting of every aspect of our living, trusting that what ever has happened and what will be, is right if we are intergrated; connected with the outside world and all that lies within us.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Monday, 20 July 2009
What has happened has happened, how we behaved in the past is done and we must move on. There is definitely a period of my life which i have often wanted to re write, but now i think of it differently:
In times of great distress and confusion we can react unpredictably, we can be in survival mode unable to digest anything that is going on and just doing anything to keep our heads above water. We cannot stop and notice we are hurting, that there is pain. We bury it to keep on going, to keep fighting.
These are times when our lives seem to be full of chaos, pure extremes- we seem stuck in a storm. We want to be strong- stubbornly strong. We do not want to show fear or panic, but there is no sense of calm; we get caught, we are ungrounded, we cannot see through the heavy clouds and then we are gone, sucked up- we are a tornado.
When all the dust has settled and we are back, something is haunting us. Now we are feeling the wounds and we are scared. There is damage and we were an element of that destructive force.
It can feel unbearable to try and take an objective approach to our most painful times. It can feel impossible. But we have to step away from our past, not be a storm chaser. It is too exhausting, too intense. It will deplete us.
By seeing myself as the tornado I get a glimpse of clarification over my most tormenting memories. I see myself as neither victim nor perpetrator, just as raw, explosive energy- a reaction to the environment. This imagery does not allow me to deny the devastation caused, but it encourages me to make amends.
As in nature, once the storm has past there is time for growth and repair. There are opportunities for fresh starts, for new pastures, a new sense of life.
We need not fear the storm it cannot return. There may be more, but now we know we can survive, we know it will not last. It will blow through and we will still be standing.
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Saturday, 18 July 2009
Friday, 17 July 2009
i am sure it will be full of much rambling and nonsense at times, but i hope amongst this i can share moments of creative, upbeat energy, from those glimpses of embracing life and the here and now.
Hoping to not sound too sentimental i just want to say i believe we all deserve to experience three great treasures in life - health, happiness and love. i think with these things we feel whole; we relax in ourselves, accept who we are and what the day has to bring. when one of these things is missing we have to make sure we experience plenty of the other two.
it is tricky though as they seem to be a package. when you are in ill health it can be tough to experience happiness, to love yourself and life. but it is possible. treasure the small things, the things you never noticed when you felt fit and well.
i use this example of struggling with health as it is a challenge that seems to be very present in my immediate life for myself, close family and friends. keep your spirits up!